Friday, March 06, 2009

Brace Yourselves

It seems as though I've weaned myself off the glorious medicinal haze induced by Mybulin cocktails, but who said drugs weren't a fruitful means to inspiration.

To clarify, picture the setting. An errant wisdom tooth, a slightly misaligned jaw bone, a nerve being compressed, random flashes of deafness and blindness. And then you find yourself in the orthodontist's chair discussing orthognathic surgery. A week later you find yourself in braces to stabilise your teeth and to keep them in place while your jaw is being shifted around and you experiencing the most excruciating pain you've ever known.

You look like Betty Suarez and feel like Angel Face after his round with Tyler. All this while your jaws are also uncomfortably suspended by dental cement.The cement keeps your teeth apart but hey, who needs to chew for 8 weeks when there's a million ways to eat and reinvent custard, jelly and mashed potatoes?

Anyway, like Dylan Thomas, I do have coherent moments between my drugged out fogs. One of which was staring me in the face all along.

Mr Zuma's legal woes are not over yet. The concept of stepping down because your integrity and ethical quality is tainted obviously does not apply in South Africa. And think of the legal costs of these battles of his. Fighting to get yourself into court, then fighting to get yourself out of court and then the whole appeal process as well.

Election posters proudly display our new ethically tainted (but that's okay because apparently, "we don't want sophistication" as South Africans) president in waiting Bra Jakes. The man is quite charismatic when you see him perform on stage, I'll give him that much credit, but he looks kinda slimy in the election posters. There's something about him that reminds me of Mr Toad of Toad Hall. For a lack of a better picture of the election posters here's a bit of a taste:



Now this got me thinking, imagine in addition to his legal fees, what would his dental fees be like? I suspect (based on the pictures on the posters) that he's got a bit of an open bite/cross bite and would probably be regarded in orthodontics as a Class II/III Malocclusion. I would assume the total cost of his orthodontic work would total another R30 000+. Blaaaaah.

JZ's over 60 so orthodontic support might not be the best option for him because of decreased bone density and teeth strength. The only other option would be porcelain or ceramic crowns and veneers (like those on 10 Years Younger and Extreme Makeover) to fix the gaps cost easily upward of R1600 per tooth! Most cosmetic dentists would prefer doing each tooth so as to create a more natural look and a more even smile. And at 32 teeth per human we're looking at (with the usual cost of labourlabourlabour)a minimum of R51200!


I'm no accountant but I have a feeling, our president's going to be a financial burden on us. Oh but wait, Sheikh's out, he can now go to the dentist, orthodontist,prostodontist, send his wives and kids for hair cuts and have his cars washed too.

On the plus side however, Julius Maleblaaaaah's got perfect teeth. All hail Caesar?!

Right now I'm sure JZ's reading this and thinking:

yours queen_Lestat, _|_ yours...


Glad I could provide such enlightening information and be of use to you all,
rah*

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1 Comments:

Blogger desert demons said...

lololol interesting insights, however I think the makeover is the least of JZ's problems :)

May 05, 2009 12:43 pm  

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