Twitter is Dajjal**...

...it has one i and people follow it around.

(And all of Blog-ville guffaws collectively to multiple lines of LOL or some combination thereof)

Yes, I'm aware that that is lame, even by my awfully punny standards. But it's one of those half baked ideas sitting in my head for ages and ages now. I have several of them, which, time pending, I might gift you loyal few readers with.

But back to my original point. Since bloggers are to social media as gerbils are to Richard Gere,I thought I'd ask the relevant demographic if there really is any point signing up for Twitter?

Besides stalking Billy Corgan and telling him in 140 characters or less how he's destroyed key ontological and other philosophical ideas for me? Or finding Neil Gaiman and telling him what I thought of American Gods?

Is there any need for greater procrastination online, especially since my pet hate is reading ridiculously, inane status updates on Facebook. And yep, I'm one of those who have to stifle the urge to want to "fix" status updates, when the content doesn't fit in with the sentence structure beginning with the subject. I'm not sure if I do need help, fixing faulty sentences is my job. Literally.

Ah well, let me know. I'd like to see some of your arguments both for and against it.

Maybe I should experiment.Right...Errr...

Hmmm, so let's test this sign off to see if I can conclude this post in 140 characters to check just how elastically economical words really are.

What's the tally there? Eyeballing (from work experience) I'd say it's around 120 characters sans counting spaces because I'm not sure if Twitter counts spaces as characters or not.Including spaces it's probably closer to target? Perhaps one of you addicts can pop it in to Twitter and get something more substantiative than a guestimate.


The dearth of dormancy.It kills.
Ad herbetudo,
rah*

**Islamic/Arabic term for the AntiChrist.Regarded in popular culture as " the beast we call the Desolate One. ...The First of the Fallen. The Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions!"

(You may not confuse the ** with the single * next to my name, because whilst I may be regarded as postively wicked in some circles, I too realise that there are some powers out there superlative to my own :P)

Why Internet Access Should Be Limited Reason #395857

It's no secret that some of my favourite music comes from the period best described as the Grunge Years. However, when OH and I start having random conversations it is usually a good idea to have an empty bladder. Whilst we relive a never ending supply of cringe-worthy tunes, I thought it a good idea to think of a list of my personal worst songs. Yes, this includes the OST for Titanic.

In the process I found this**:


Spot the irony?

I will never understand what goes on in some people's heads.

Epic fails are always noted,
rah*

**Click to enlarge

Wasn't Boy George a Hare Krishna Devotee Too? Although, he gives a whole new meaning to "Bow Down Mister"..oh soz, actual post is below:

Am I the only person who wondered why this got to the front page of the Sunday paper? Or why the section of the paper targeted at an Indian demographic has such utter inane rubbish in it? Do people actually find this newsworthy enough to make it to the papers. Also, why does the Sunday Times Extra seem to revel in articles about people bringing on some kinda "embarrassment" to the religious groups they're affiliated with? Here's a ctrl+c, ctrl +v of the entire episode.

Rumpus over sex emails
Taschica Pillay

Hare Krishna devotee sorry for false claims

A Hare Krishna devotee claims he disseminated an e-mail containing salacious details of an alleged adulterous affair between himself and a fellow devotee as an act of “vengeance”.

The man, whose identity is known to the Sunday Times Extra, recently distributed a revealing e-mail entitled “Warning to Durban guys” containing details of an alleged affair between himself and a Phoenix mother of three who, he claimed, pleasured him like a “Bangkok prostitute”. He also attached a picture of the woman.

He claimed he sent the e-mail to warn other men about the woman and her wiles. After realising that his e-mail was being widely circulated, the man distributed another e-mail saying his claims in the original e-mail were untrue.

“I was angry and wanted vengeance on this lady,” he wrote in an e-mail he sent to the Sunday Times Extra and which is also being circulated.

“I fully and unreservedly take back what I said and apologise for the embarrassment I caused. I have apologised to her and she has accepted.

“She is actually a good person. I am the bad one,” he said.

In the original e-mail, he claimed he and the woman became friends after meeting at a shopping mall.

“She was pretty and seemed pleasant enough. Since I was trying to uplift myself spiritually, I thought it was nice to meet a like-minded individual.”

The pair then met at a shopping mall a few times and their relationship allegedly developed into a sexual one. He said he “reluctantly” slept with the woman a few times but should have known “something was not right when she kept insisting on doing it in hotel rooms and in the back of her car”.

“But being a man, I was too excited and infatuated with her that I lost all good sense,” he added.

He said he was devastated when the woman told him she was married.

The woman, who runs her own business, this week hit back in her own e-mail, dismissing the allegations as “utter rubbish”. “I was going to be the better person and not respond to this, but it is destroying the dignified reputation I once had.”

The woman, who said she was a happily married mother of three, said the man approached her at the temple for a job after he saw her company’s name on her car. A few hours after giving him her business card, the man called her at home asking if he could drop off his CV at her office the next day.

She then employed the man as a general worker.

“One morning he confided in me, saying he had feelings for another guy and he didn’t feel attracted to women.

“He wanted to test his hormones and wanted me to kiss him to see if he felt anything. But obviously I declined as it sounded fishy to me.”

She said that two weeks later “ he confronted me again, started getting personal and saying he has fallen in love with me, and that I should have fun with him”.

The woman said she was shocked by his advances and told him to concentrate on his personal life, rather than a relationship between them.

She said she did not tell her husband, a taxi owner, the “real story” for fear that he would become violent.

Champakalata Dasi, International Society of Krishna Consciousness (Iskcon) spokesman, said that the spiritual organisation “did not associate ourselves with an e-mail of such a derogatory nature.”

This guy sounds like a complete imbecile. The woman too. To the desperate demographic of my readership, perhaps if you'd also like to be "pleasured" by a "Bangkok prostitute" (totally LOLs name for a place which has a reputation for flesh pedlars btw), maybe your new pick up line can be "Hi, I'm gay, kiss me so I can test my hormones"? (Or a reasonable adaptation thereof?)

Seriously though, what planet do people like this come from??

-facepalm-
rah*

While it's still newsworthy

I know this whack job of a person. For years she's been blaming the decline of society on the fact that Muslim youth "follow" "Shaytaans" like Michael Jackson who is the very symbol of all that is wrong with the world.

I usually want to point out, when she's on one of these tangents, that he's not been that popular music wise for a good few years, but qL holds her peace and lets the woman rant. (Needless to say, that for the said person Bollywood is considered as relatively less decadent and immoral than mainstream Western pop because clearly the logic that that's based on is very sound reasoning somehow...)

On his death she says: "Shame, mashaAllah, must've been a good man, he got to go on Jummeraat..."

qL just goes -_- *facepalm*

Talk about hypocrisy eh?

I had a whole lot of quips I was coming up with while there were still unconfirmed reports of the death of MJ. Things like (to the tune of Billie Jean) Michael Jackson is NOT A-LIVE, (to the tune of Black or White) It don't matter if you're dead or alive....yeah it was nearly 1 am, I was freezing after the confeds cup semis with Bafana vs Brazil and stuck in traffic...lameness was to be expected.

I see blaaaaahnians,
rah*

Brace Yourselves

It seems as though I've weaned myself off the glorious medicinal haze induced by Mybulin cocktails, but who said drugs weren't a fruitful means to inspiration.

To clarify, picture the setting. An errant wisdom tooth, a slightly misaligned jaw bone, a nerve being compressed, random flashes of deafness and blindness. And then you find yourself in the orthodontist's chair discussing orthognathic surgery. A week later you find yourself in braces to stabilise your teeth and to keep them in place while your jaw is being shifted around and you experiencing the most excruciating pain you've ever known.

You look like Betty Suarez and feel like Angel Face after his round with Tyler. All this while your jaws are also uncomfortably suspended by dental cement.The cement keeps your teeth apart but hey, who needs to chew for 8 weeks when there's a million ways to eat and reinvent custard, jelly and mashed potatoes?

Anyway, like Dylan Thomas, I do have coherent moments between my drugged out fogs. One of which was staring me in the face all along.

Mr Zuma's legal woes are not over yet. The concept of stepping down because your integrity and ethical quality is tainted obviously does not apply in South Africa. And think of the legal costs of these battles of his. Fighting to get yourself into court, then fighting to get yourself out of court and then the whole appeal process as well.

Election posters proudly display our new ethically tainted (but that's okay because apparently, "we don't want sophistication" as South Africans) president in waiting Bra Jakes. The man is quite charismatic when you see him perform on stage, I'll give him that much credit, but he looks kinda slimy in the election posters. There's something about him that reminds me of Mr Toad of Toad Hall. For a lack of a better picture of the election posters here's a bit of a taste:



Now this got me thinking, imagine in addition to his legal fees, what would his dental fees be like? I suspect (based on the pictures on the posters) that he's got a bit of an open bite/cross bite and would probably be regarded in orthodontics as a Class II/III Malocclusion. I would assume the total cost of his orthodontic work would total another R30 000+. Blaaaaah.

JZ's over 60 so orthodontic support might not be the best option for him because of decreased bone density and teeth strength. The only other option would be porcelain or ceramic crowns and veneers (like those on 10 Years Younger and Extreme Makeover) to fix the gaps cost easily upward of R1600 per tooth! Most cosmetic dentists would prefer doing each tooth so as to create a more natural look and a more even smile. And at 32 teeth per human we're looking at (with the usual cost of labourlabourlabour)a minimum of R51200!


I'm no accountant but I have a feeling, our president's going to be a financial burden on us. Oh but wait, Sheikh's out, he can now go to the dentist, orthodontist,prostodontist, send his wives and kids for hair cuts and have his cars washed too.

On the plus side however, Julius Maleblaaaaah's got perfect teeth. All hail Caesar?!

Right now I'm sure JZ's reading this and thinking:

yours queen_Lestat, _|_ yours...


Glad I could provide such enlightening information and be of use to you all,
rah*

It's getting hot in here...

You know, there's those people who find it "kewt" to type "kewl" and replace -r's and -l's with w's eg "sowwy" and "hewwo". Now this is just ghei firstly, and secondly, when grown adults do this it works on my nerves (my magnanimous streak does however extend only to people who are around the age of 12-16 who do this because alas, they were not fully alive while the world and the internet was still awesome and not filled with twits), and thirdly, there is absolutely nothing more off putting than (consciously) horrific spelling and grammar.

I got this in an email from a person who brims with awesomeness and smells like teen spirit :P, with the most apt subject line ever (see below):

If you laugh, you're going to hell:

Suffice to say (before you get your panties in a knot and go all moral high ground on me)...I guess you can all queue up behind me?
rah*

Oh, Sweet Irony I Do Love Thee So:

This is really old news. It's one of those I was meaning to... however, if, but, andthenthewindowbroke- type of posts. So I'm not sure if anyone else has played Spot The Irony with this news piece yet or not.

But really, come on now!

You can you have a rapist being convicted of rape anywhere else in the world, but only in South Africa will his name be- Innocent Khumalo.

Ladies and Gentlemen (not forgetting our retard in the back), I thank you all for your time and wish you a pleasant and safe journey home.

They do it to themselves I tell ye, walk right into a guest appearance on The Chronicles.
rah*

Stop The Presses!!!!

A very dear friend(who under normal circumstances cannot be taken too seriously) gives me the following piece of news:

Legend: AAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAA Radio Religious news just now AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA they just said AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA Shaytaan is having a conference for his shayateen!!!!!!!

qL: LOLOLOLOLOL are you serious???

Legend: Yes.

qL: you sure it's not like "is in conference with"?


Legend: No that's what they said AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA


qL: What kind of idiots believe that crap? And how and why is that newsworthy? LOLOLOL


Legend: I dunno, but AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

qL: LOLOL quickly gimme their number, I'm gonna phone in and say "Hello, I just heard about the conference and I just want to say that I have a stationary store, should they require any personalised paper pads, pens, etc I will be glad to contribute towards this endeavour at cost price!!"


Legend: I dare you!!!!

qL: What's their number?

Legend: I dunno :/

qL: -_-

So if anyone wants to attend this historic and momentous occasion, give me a shout. Maybe we can organise a lift club or something and go together?


Seating place is tight so please RSVP asap.
Degh Akni will be sold at a nominal cost.

I think the Daily Sun just became tantamount to Gospel compared to this.

Friggin' Blaaaaahnians.

rah*

Shaytaan = Satan
Shayateen= Satan's minions

In Typical qL Fashion:

In honour of three people, who in their own ways each deserve a post of their own, queen_Lestat hereby announces the arrival of some Black Humour. Now I know lots of people will probably get hard-arsed about something like this, but I think we should take a step back and heave a collective LOL at the non-religious elements of the composition presented:




B!, F!, C!...in that order!

*bows head in blasphemous shame*
rah*

Haai Boet, Dis Mos 'n Bietjie Magic

Between this



and this



I can't laugh any more.

LOL
rah*

Stupid Post

Right, so sue me. I don't do New Year Resolutions, I do online quizzes though. It's equally time wasting as the former. n3rd 4 l1f3! \m/ So here goes, a post, a cheap one at that too, but a post none the less. I have a kind of arrangement with someone that I will throw in a 2c on religion. Look out for that.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd   Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Drama Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

And thanks to Saaleha, I now know that I can spel en do gramerrrrr:



And then the force took over and bandwidth rape became commonplace in the land:



(those are screen shots because blogger wasn't picking up on the coding cut and paste jobby properly)


See, the thing with online quizzes is that they're addictive,and often lol-worthy(though some have appalling grammar and spelling and look like they've been designed by 12 year old 3m0 n008z). But I find that if you didn't know you were going to get a particular answer then you need to lock yourself up in a cupboard and get to know yourself. And now I have zero to say since that. Fare thee well Farmer John.

And for the grand finale...just when you thought life couldn't get better/worse here comes- Happy 08!

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! boredomnesseses
rah*

Why? How? Actually... WHAT?!

I blame The Organ Harvester.

For probably cultivating such a fan base and then laying the smackdown (so to speak) on the powers that be to demand equal rights.

Please, oh please someone tell me how is it possible that the dictionary on my humble, unassuming cellular phone has the word "Pillay" stored by default? But I had to add "phoned" and "phone" in as words.

Noodlew, mageno, intender <- that's what I get when I tried Moodley, Naidoo, and Govender. It was worth a try...right?

I think there might just be one too many charos in I.T.

teh_weirdness
rah*

From Timorous Infant to Enfant Terrible: The Chronicles Turn Two!

So last year I gave the Chronicles a treat and we did the whole first birthday party thing like any proud mummy would do. This year, we've matured a bit and so in celebration of our coming of age and further entrenchment in the blog world: (wait for the end, I need to stuff more stuff in first, then just pretend that the other stuff came here kthxbye).

Entrenchment (for the retarded eejits who continue to bombard me with /quit blogging requests) is a noun referring to the act of entrenching, entrenching on the other hand is a transitive verb meaning to be firmly placed in a particular area/position. Right, now that that's done with here's the birthday treat.

This is what I believe I should be saying to all those morons. This is my take on The Chronicles of Blaaaaahnia. And here's to another year of slow, sporadic (though at times not so worth it) posts. VIVA TO THE DEMISE OF BLAAAAAHNESS!!!

See you guys on the flip side of this, I've got some stuff in my head.
rah*

I think I died....

If you ever wondered if your crappy spelling(aka vowel-less abbreviations and other distortions of language) and writing style made any difference to anyone or the meaning or what it sounded like irl...
Guess what...

...it does...

ROFLMAO
rah*

P.S. Speakers on for this one please

ph0r g4m3rz

...the bowling game...lol..

To my fellow gamer geeks out there wherever you may be in this world...Enjoy

credits to the devil himself :) for this gem :)

And if you don't get it, well then, you should know I have keine Mitleid für die Mehrheit :)


Auf Wiedersehen
rah*

queen_Lestat's Insomnia Thoughts 101

Never refuse a breath mint.

meeeh lol.


Okay, granted, both the originality and importance of that statement is questionable. But it popped into my head now. And no, I am not in the mood to Google my own thoughts. And yes, I do that at times, cos there's somethings which are just too random(not to mention weird) which flood my mind.And I do it because I'm heavily mediated and so I may be under the subconscious control of that Institution Amichand Rajbansi so lovingly calls "the meeed-yaah" (mebbe you should hear him say the phrase. It R LOL-ers)and I would like to reference the source accordingly.

This Chronicle Will Now Give Way So That qL And Jane Austen May Share Some Quality Time
rah*

Even half a twitch of the lips will do...

Check what I found! This is one of my favourite sites which for some reason I've never linked up at Cool Clicks. *drumroll* I give to you... The Unemployed Philosopher's Guild. There's just so much here to tickle even the most jaded of academics. And nothing here can possibly appeal to any Blaaaaahnian on the face of this earth, and here I shall refrain from insulting the species of which I speak because their mere presence says it all. But here's the cheap "lol of the day". As the title of this post goes, humour the Queen of Bad puns and all things dry with a semi -smile at least.
It's a mug with the USA Bill of Rights printed(is that the correct word? Can you print on a mug?)or etched(maybe? perhaps?) rather onto it. meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh lol but as you put hot liquid into it, the more the "rights" disappear. Same principle as those stuff you used to get in the coco-pops bags, those colour changing spoons, only infinitely more l33t and g33ky.

enjoy!!!
rah*

P.S. 23 February is my birthday, as well as Dana Scully's, as well as zee's. Now I dunno about them, but this is teh_l33tn3ss personified. Literary kitsch, I like :)