Monday, August 06, 2007

When Blaaaaahnians Cry, They Cry a Rainstorm.

And so ladies and gentlemen, it is with much honour that I hand out today's retard award.Now queen_Lestat is no stranger to hate mail or to completely inbred half wits.Blaaaaaahdium (and other equally Blaaaaah places such as Blehnz and Blaaaaaahzaadville) is full of such specimens.However, one particular email shimmied itself into my mailbox. I have honoured the last few shreds of dignity attached to the said person and not pasted their email details.These are however, available on request. A flight attendant will serve it when we've reached due altitude.So sit back, and enjoy the ride. Oh and as with any text presented for scrutiny in a foreign language for the purposes of this critical analysis a detailed translation will follow the said text. (I kid you not this is strues bob the kind of people that infest this world.) Here we go now:

good day queen lestat

who is dis blog crit n it to me now cs u mst be noing dem.y dey lyk ur blg n no 1s elss n den dat cujo cums n starts sumtimes u mad or sumting or u fscking drag hw cum dey dnt lyk oda ppls blogs.wat is rong wit u i even took u of my list cs u neva red my blg u such a fsck n i dnt
sware bt u hav all dis black blog lyk a satinst n den ur blg name dnt evn maks sence. r u evn a muslim how u gt on da muslim ring huh tel me nw do u evn red namaz or do u nly blg dey cum n tel us shit bt dey dnt tel u nutting y tel me if u no dem. who sed dey mst vote u for da awrd.u no u nt goin to win dats y u dnt evn put up da sticka.ur blg jus faulty it shows dat u r wired n dat u mad cos u dnt evn no dat u r a human hhahhaha n den u put shaikspaere in ur blg lyk u 1 eng teacha gt a lyf u 23 n u gt a blg go gt marrid hahhhaa. n den y u dnt b lyk one norm persin n put up picts n ur rael name den we cn al no how u r.i saw ur udder blg dos picts r so dum haaahaha a few dey cum out broun bwaahahhahahaha wat flops n dey so borng 2 c cos it shows dat u neva go 2 india cos u not in da picts n u cnt evn mach ur socks in da pic

i wnt 2 no whodey r cs dey fsckng on my blog n on my frens u betta tel me n u so tick to put ur emale on ur prof now evry1 cn tel u dat u dnt make sence hahahaha n dat prof is nonsence it dnt make no sence whatkine wit dat u spk elvis how dat gnna help on kiyamit. who sed deymst lyk ur blog n im not going to red urs no mor cs u dnt red mine n i ws goin 2 pt u on my linx bt i tink i wont hahahaha loooooool sori 4 u loozer.

tel ur frrens to stop fscking wit us if we 2 cleva 4 dem n dey dnt no nutting we dnt care wat dey tink cs we no we da kewl ppl n dat lest we gt frens whocn rite 4 real n put tings lyk shaikspaer bwaahahhaa lyk we in shcool. u betta msg me bk n tel me da info i need or il flud u til u tel me


It took me quite a while to read that. Yes, Ulysses and Finneagan's Wake were an easier read each than that, you're such a genius. Greater than Joyce himself. Anyways, the said emailer is completely anonymous besides the fact that they have a fetish for the letter Z. Also the said emailer provides no url or blog references at all but is obviously a blogger or a suck up to someone who got crapped on. Yes, retard that is shit which you are imbibing. I still await a reply from the said moron with regards to the fact that I can understand many languages but I don't speak fucktard, could the person please be so considerate as to retype the brief and the queen will then attempt addressing the issues at hand. Upon receipt of a very eloquent "fsuck you" the queen has decided to go it alone.Herewith follows the queen_Lestat translation of the text.

Dear queen_Lestat,
Who are blog_critic and dragan? Please tell me now, because I have a feeling that you might be able to guide me as to who they might possibly be.I would like to inquire as to why they seem to enjoy reading your posts compared to lots of other people's.Occasionally, they hold cujo's blog in high regard as well and she voices her opinions loud and clear as well.I would also like to question your sanity and I would venture to ask whether you are perhaps having some sort of relationship with either of them to make them visit here so often and why they antagonise and dissect other peoples posts up?

What is wrong with you?I have even gone so far as removing you from my list of blog links because you have never visited my blog or read it ever.You are such a fuck and I don't swear.However, you have this blog which is all black rather like the stereotype of a Satanist to top it all off, your blogs name does not make any sense.

Furthermore, I would urge you to declare your religious disposition and I want to know if you are a Muslim because you are on the Muslim Blogger's Webring.I want to stress the urgency of this request please.It is of vital concern to me whether you maintain your Islamic duties or whether you spend all your time blogging.They (dragan and blog_critic as mentioned above) often visit our blogs and leave scathing critiques of our works.And yet they have not done so on this blog as yet. Please tell me why this is so? Again I repeat my call for information regarding the above two personae.

Another matter of importance I wish to discuss with you is who gave blog_critic the authority to nominate your blog for the Blogger's Choice Awards. You obviously know that you don't stand a chance to win the competition when there's blogs like Perez Hilton up for nomination as well. I opine that this is the very reason which you do not and have not put up your nomination "brag badges".

I do believe that your blog is faulty (sic) and in addition to it's inherent flaws, it shows that you are weird.I once again question your sanity in your belief that you are not a human being but rather a Vampire or an Elve.Also, you put up posts containing references to Shakespeare and these suggest that you have some knowledge of English Literature, akin to a teacher of English.My advice is that, since you are 23 and you blog, you should consider marriage as a suitable alternative to blogging.

Why do you not put up pictures of yourself as well as your real name and other personal details so that we all know who you are?I saw your other blog as well, those pictures are ridiculously silly.And are so poorly taken that some even turned out brown.Your photography is thus a failure.The pictures are exceedingly boring to look at and this proves that you did not go to India because you are not present in any of the pictures present. Evidence also suggests that you cannot match your socks.

I reiterate my request to you because I want to know who they are because they are performing sexual intercourse on my blog as well as with my friends.I am now threatening you to submit to my demands for attention and information.You are so very silly for putting up your email address on your blog profile because this encourages people to take their queries regarding anything to you personally.Your profile itself does not make sense in the least. You speak Elvish, how exactly will that help you on the Day of Reckoning?Who gave blog_critic and dragan permission to like your blog? Personally, I feel that it is my duty never to read your blog again because you do not read mine.Just when I was considering re-linking you up. Guess you just lost out there on a key opportunity.

Please tell your fans to stop harassing us because we are obviously intellectually superior to them. We know everything, and they know nothing.We do not care about what they think about us because we know that we are more socially acceptable and, to put it in the vernacular, "cooler".We know this because we are fully justified in saying that we are friends who can write in real life and who do not post things such as Shakespeare, which lost it's relevance when we were in school.

In conclusion, queen_Lestat, please see to it that you send me the information I require or I shall be forced to oblige my company and flood your inbox with this email until you do so.

Thank you for your time,
Yours Sincerely

Now I don't know whether such idiocy deserves a response but I shall state a few things categorically. Because I know there are many more retards where this one came from.
  • I do not know who blog_critic or dragan are or where they've come from.
  • If they happen to like reading this blog, it's the exact same reason they don't like yours...subjectivity.And perhaps the fact that I am not so severely inbred as you are.
  • I don't know who you are or where you blog, but damnit if you type like that I don't want to see it...EVER.Retard, fuckwit, vowelless aberration of language.
  • Also, since you really don't care what people think about you and your little chums, why are you emailing me?Retard.
  • The amount of class you display here, makes Bob Ewell look like the patriarch of the Rothschild's.
  • I recommend a LARGE dose of the shit that is Linkin Park because I have a feeling Mike Shinoda will speak to all that emo angst so nicely packaged in your fuckwitted self.Retard, emo.
  • I have, just by reading that, ASL'd you that you are:Female (a male would say FUCK like a man) or else you're a raving hissy fitting queen(ie a manbitch), b) you're from Durban or the East Coast ("faulty", "whatkine"," lyk u one eng teacha") yeah the Blood of the Phoenicians runs strong in you.And I don't refer to the Great Ancient Empire when I say that, c) you're under 20 or at least your mental status is, your spelling and grammar is worse than a 5 year olds.Retard.
  • While on the topic of birth defects, you come across as someone who would lose a fight if people started with "yo' momma" jokes. Ultra Retard.
  • You are the perfect embodiment of what happens when pregnant women snort nuclear waste instead of crack.And also when they use Agent Orange instead of hair spray.Retard deluxe.
  • My photography on Graphic Descriptions, is called Sepia in that "brown" series which you refer to like the pleb that you are. Your fabled intelligence should also tell you that you use a particular film and light setting to achieve that effect and that it is not a random "flop".It does not contain me, cos I am holding the camera.And I don't see the dangling appendages of any cows.You didn't say anything about cows?Oh sorry, I'm not sure what else udders refers to.Retard.
  • Also, Picts were an ancient peoples from England, fore bearers to the Scots.So I obviously can't put them up cos they're extinct by now I guess. But you obviously know better than me.*shrugs*
  • I might be a Jedi, but I cannot do mind tricks across international borders to be in any "relationship" with some random n00b blogger on the scene whom I do not even know.Retard.
  • If I want to quote Shakespeare and discuss literature all day, I most certainly will.And if you don't get it. Well then? Take a book and read perhaps?
  • And it's rather quaint how you went to "shcool", maybe there they didn't have any "teacha's" which explains a lot about you.
  • I don't read your blog cos I don't know who you are, but evidently I'm supposed to give you credit for being the spokesperson for your little Cabal?And yes, I'm sure I'd be delighted to have my blog advertised on your piece of crap front page wherever it may be.Retard.
  • I speak ElvisH you dunce, I might be polite, but I don't go around saying in a deep voice "thank you, thank you very much". And no it won't help me for Qiyamat, but my knowledge of Arabic might smooth things over a bit. You will be duly doused with a generous helping of Dr Seuss I think.
  • And on the topic of all things religious. I see you so perfectly encapsulate Islam.As is the first revelation of Islam, which is to seek knowledge, please teach me how to be just as dumbassed, judgemental, and intellectually deficient as you are.
  • Also, don't pick fights when you know you stand a very good chance of humiliation. Learn that soon in life. Retard.
  • If you would please be so kind as to take a very long walk off a short cliff and do humanity a favour.Retard.
  • I quote an ultra important person in my life when I say, "I cant believe that people with actual learning disabilities have unsupervised access to the internet". And yes that is a direct dig at you. Retard.

And as promised, hope you're dressed for the occasion but here you are, especially for you:

Thank you God Bless, Goodnight

PS this post will be updated, so check back for more.

PPS any one sees the irony especially in light of the post called "I think I died"??Man, if I knew how to do the website bits I would SO do a dramatic reading of this one and put it up. Although I might sound like I'm speaking !X'am! judging by the style of writing.

PPPS this person is MOST definitely human.

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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Why?! The VERY idea...

Scully: "Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?"

Mulder: "I have seen the life on this planet, Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere."

From The X-Files

Pretty much sums me up . The Mulder part that is. Human beings are an awful species.Really are quite disgusting and base. I, however, am part Vampyre, part Elven...sooooo... stfu?

Blaaaaahnians have landed :/

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