On Blogging Anniversaries

I've been a blogger for four years. Who'd've thunk it considering how lax I am about it? I've decided it's time to maybe unveil myself a bit.

Here goes:


[Image source]

I suppose I should lay off the partying and stuff eh?! Identity theft is becoming more and more common these days. I'd probably win awards for most alternative costume at Grab-a-Granny nights.

I heart teh_interwebz,
rah*

P.S. Moral of the story: never believe anything The Organharvester says. LOL!

Twitter is Dajjal**...

...it has one i and people follow it around.

(And all of Blog-ville guffaws collectively to multiple lines of LOL or some combination thereof)

Yes, I'm aware that that is lame, even by my awfully punny standards. But it's one of those half baked ideas sitting in my head for ages and ages now. I have several of them, which, time pending, I might gift you loyal few readers with.

But back to my original point. Since bloggers are to social media as gerbils are to Richard Gere,I thought I'd ask the relevant demographic if there really is any point signing up for Twitter?

Besides stalking Billy Corgan and telling him in 140 characters or less how he's destroyed key ontological and other philosophical ideas for me? Or finding Neil Gaiman and telling him what I thought of American Gods?

Is there any need for greater procrastination online, especially since my pet hate is reading ridiculously, inane status updates on Facebook. And yep, I'm one of those who have to stifle the urge to want to "fix" status updates, when the content doesn't fit in with the sentence structure beginning with the subject. I'm not sure if I do need help, fixing faulty sentences is my job. Literally.

Ah well, let me know. I'd like to see some of your arguments both for and against it.

Maybe I should experiment.Right...Errr...

Hmmm, so let's test this sign off to see if I can conclude this post in 140 characters to check just how elastically economical words really are.

What's the tally there? Eyeballing (from work experience) I'd say it's around 120 characters sans counting spaces because I'm not sure if Twitter counts spaces as characters or not.Including spaces it's probably closer to target? Perhaps one of you addicts can pop it in to Twitter and get something more substantiative than a guestimate.


The dearth of dormancy.It kills.
Ad herbetudo,
rah*

**Islamic/Arabic term for the AntiChrist.Regarded in popular culture as " the beast we call the Desolate One. ...The First of the Fallen. The Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions!"

(You may not confuse the ** with the single * next to my name, because whilst I may be regarded as postively wicked in some circles, I too realise that there are some powers out there superlative to my own :P)

Of Grammatology**

For a long while now I've been wanting to do a series of posts on language usage.

While I sit about and try to make space for all the cows (I thought the first rule about this was do not link the OH, but seems like everyone's done it already.This linkage should free up about two steaks for someone else now. I'm magnanimous like that :P), I've got an issue once again with language and English.

Learn from this, see how it works, ask me if you don't get it and I shall re-explain gladly (all confidentiality held). It's not about being a pretentious language buff, it's all about helping people who seem to have no end to embarassing themselves with these basic errors. And yes, getting these grammar rules correct are requirements on the Jedi list (being the precautionary measures set in place, which should be satisfactorily checked off, before one can consider long term bovine investments).

Please do accept this paltry offering in the spirit that it was intended and so that you may de-idiot before typing up things. This is something which works on my nerves, not only because I'm a grammar nazi by profession, but also because I remember learning this in Standard 1 or 2/Grade 3 or 4 (all credits dude to Apartheid's House of Delegates owned thorough-bugger teachers) and I think that it's easy enough to understand and apply. It's quite a shame when otherwise intelligent human beings screw up their text with some of these errors. Errors which are made mostly due to not understanding the basic premise of word classes.

In English, as in all languages, there are word classes. This means that certain words function as a particular type of word or within a particular context.


There's three types of word classes which seem to confuse the hell out of the lesser mortals of the realm.

Prepositions, pronouns, and contractions.

Prepositions: Split the word into two pre -position, before a position, it denotes a place, a position. It is not to be confused with a pronoun. Examples include; Here, there, above, below, inside, outside, underneath. (PLACES)

Pronouns: Split it into two as well and nouns are people, places, things, tangible stuff unless it's an abstract noun. Examples include; his, her, them, their, our. (PEOPLE)

Thus, there is not the same as their. There shows place, their shows ownership.

Conractions are words which are joined and shortened by an apostrophe (an apostrophe which does not show possession). Consider the sentence: Here's his book, he's going to need it. (WORD(USUALLY PREPOSITION OR PRONOUN)+(USUALLY)AUXILLIARY VERB)

He's is a contraction for he is or he has. It's not the same as his which is a pronoun. Common errors include: "his mad" instead of he's mad.


Are we all clear on this one?

Next up: Concorde, Plurals and Apostrophe.

Class dismissed!
rah*
**Bonus points to the reference catcher.

Umm, yeah...

So the last time I had one these moments it was over a multimedia pack of book, dvd and cd called Baby Shakespeare (somewhere back in 2006/7). You can pretty much figure out the contents I would've purchased had I had the need. I had no need, therefore I had a day or two of OMGMOMMYHOODSEEMSFTW!

At some crazy hour early this morning/late last night I had this brainwave of an idea which I wanted to do for some of the lil hobbits in my life, and I Googled in preparation for the task ahead.And then I found it, the idea in my head existed -_-, so much for originality, eh?. But it did save me some bother of finding tabs/notes to attempt my own renditions.


How awesome is this? Or any of these for that matter? Good musical taste cannot start young enough. Someday my kids'll have a blog and write stuff like "my mom was so awesomely cool, we had Smashing Pumpkins/NIN/The Cure/The Pixies/Nirvana as our lullabies"!

I am not crazy though, I've not purchased any of them yet. I've just wishlisted them all :D

Hold meeeee, for goodbyes and whispered lullabyes...
rah*

[rant] Blaaaaah Blaaaaah [/rant]

Apparently, the human spirit possesses a capacity to withhold much under extreme duress. How often do people wonder what their inner tensile strength is? Or do people sit about like the Talamasca and watch and wait and are always there waiting for impending doom? So that they can cash in their bonus points for vouchers on the pre-prayed system when they've accumulated enough?

There's got to be nothing more irritating than religious zealots who believe they have a God ordained moral right to pontificate purely because of they claim they're in the possession of the title deeds for the monopoly on Truth. But whilst they spend a lot of their time in physical prayer, their minds are busy praying to the Great God of Materialism. Not only do these people meet the basic minimum requirement in the prayer stats but they surpass it with adding all the optional extra ones. And they let you know it as well.

Strange thing is, these people cannot understand why they're classified as resolutely Blaaaaahnian by yours truly. But I, and most people with a conscience I suppose, find it extremely offensive when the aforementioned types pay their staff minimum wages, or less. Work them to the bone as well, declaring that they need to get their money's worth out. I find it offensive as well when staff complain about their pay that they get told to pray. Prayer's one thing, inflation and reality quite another. If you can buy your daughter a Mini Cooper S as a birthday present, then please don't preach the value and importance of living a simple life.

Hypocrisy rears it's ugly head all the time. I cannot reconcile the social hypocrisy of being the height of piety to the world, but callously oppressing any underlings and not having any qualms about. If piety means anything, be a decent human being without the religious fluff attached. Attempting to be decent will at least add a bit of practice to the preaching.

The Blogosphere 'conspiracists' are probably wondering what inspired this post.Well, lots of things have, but I think the most relevant to these parts is that while I've been AWOL, I have been receiving odd bits of "soul-saving" advice from the Association of Anonymous twits. And no, I will not renounce my Satinic (sic) ways. Bitches.

I'm back with a vengeance baby.Next post in two months :P
rah*

Oh, Sweet Irony I Do Love Thee So:

This is really old news. It's one of those I was meaning to... however, if, but, andthenthewindowbroke- type of posts. So I'm not sure if anyone else has played Spot The Irony with this news piece yet or not.

But really, come on now!

You can you have a rapist being convicted of rape anywhere else in the world, but only in South Africa will his name be- Innocent Khumalo.

Ladies and Gentlemen (not forgetting our retard in the back), I thank you all for your time and wish you a pleasant and safe journey home.

They do it to themselves I tell ye, walk right into a guest appearance on The Chronicles.
rah*

Stop The Presses!!!!

A very dear friend(who under normal circumstances cannot be taken too seriously) gives me the following piece of news:

Legend: AAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAA Radio Religious news just now AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA they just said AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA Shaytaan is having a conference for his shayateen!!!!!!!

qL: LOLOLOLOLOL are you serious???

Legend: Yes.

qL: you sure it's not like "is in conference with"?


Legend: No that's what they said AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA


qL: What kind of idiots believe that crap? And how and why is that newsworthy? LOLOLOL


Legend: I dunno, but AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

qL: LOLOL quickly gimme their number, I'm gonna phone in and say "Hello, I just heard about the conference and I just want to say that I have a stationary store, should they require any personalised paper pads, pens, etc I will be glad to contribute towards this endeavour at cost price!!"


Legend: I dare you!!!!

qL: What's their number?

Legend: I dunno :/

qL: -_-

So if anyone wants to attend this historic and momentous occasion, give me a shout. Maybe we can organise a lift club or something and go together?


Seating place is tight so please RSVP asap.
Degh Akni will be sold at a nominal cost.

I think the Daily Sun just became tantamount to Gospel compared to this.

Friggin' Blaaaaahnians.

rah*

Shaytaan = Satan
Shayateen= Satan's minions

Best Left in the 90s

I know I harp on about music alot, it's one of my great passions in life. However, there's some music which just makes me want to hurl. For the moment, we'll excuse pop with the likes of girl/boy bands(consisting of 30 year old MEN, none of whom play any instruments-spot the irony if you will)and we'll excuse trance/house/blahblahblah( not really worth giving an opinion on this,because well I'm still deciding whether to classify it as music or whether it belongs in the category of noise.mp3). We will not even discuss Indian music or more specifically Bollywood rubbish (and no, I don't care how beautiful the lyrics are when you translate it into English, it (tune/melody/beat) sounds like crap/pop/regurgitated 70s disco beats to me).I won't venture to hip-hop either, which was once the sound of the streets and the poor and is now the sound of the rich who get off condescending at the poor. What I want to discuss is the most disgusting music ever- RnB.

While music history teaches one that it might've had very noble roots and gave hope to slaves and farm workers and was the American equivalent of Umshiniwam. Take a listen to the rubbish lyrics that they churn out which I would assume is supposed to be sexy...but it actually sounds like the musical version of 12 year old online cyberers who pretend they're 16 and spell without vowels. In other words, retards.Typical dialogue of the species goes something like this:

Kewt-boi "hi asl,i cn c u gt sxy nik,want 2 cybr" (rant: WHY CAN'T PEOPLE TYPE NORMALLY? IT TOOK ME LONGER TO TYPE THAT THAT THEN THE WHOLE PREVIOUS TWO LINES-/rant-another debate.

So anyway you get the picture. Poor lyrics, bad language, filthy images and general scummy values allow the fan-base masses to indulge their senses in a cheap-sex thrill.

While this might not exactly be RnB (or maybe it is, I'm outside of my genre here so I could be wrong) Ludakris at the 46664 Concert in Johannesburg last year belted out the following lyrics to a crowd of thousands "I won't stop til I get them in they birthday suits so give me the rhythm, and it will be off in they clothes" followed by "we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed". Please take note that the concert was in aid of Aids awareness. And here you have someone who sings about easy women, easy sex etc. Spot the irony? This is just an off the top of my head example of how music of this sort, just promotes bad values and demeans women, it might not necessarily be the best example. Sure, RnB fans might make the case against some shock rockers like Marilyn Manson and co, but to Manson's credit, when you dig beneath the surface of his lyrics, you often find a surprising bit of social commentary or unveiling of the standard hypocrisies.

I find RnB too "turn-off"ish for lack of a clearer phrase. Which gets me thinking, whether I'm missing out on something, after all the legions and legions of fans must be picking up on something I'm not. My neighbours are classic examples of this(wonderful people though, in every regard besides their music taste). Almost Sunday morning whilst washing their cars; (yeah, they've got American flag bandanas hanging off the rear-view mirror, and the uncle does have a pair of black Ray-Bans with the ivory and gold bridge bit over the nose); I am subjected to the Blaaaaahnians playing a cd(at full volume it seems)consisting of Boyz II Men's End of the road, followed by I'll make love to you, followed by In the Still of the Night. And then the aunty will shout out "OOO I like this song, don't make it slow, put fast volume" and then queen_Lestat groans and pulls her pillows over her ears and curls up into foetal position and shrinks deeper into her bed. I mean wtf? A little consideration for the grunger in your vicinity would be nice people!

Now here's a classic example of the crap that is RnB, and (as you shall hear in a bit) the song which inspired the post. I REFUSE to watch this video(and I won't name it either,so you're all forced to watch a few seconds to know what I'm on about! i R ev0ln355 :P), so I don't know if it's the original or what, but here goes:



DISGUSTING!!!! YERGH!

Anyway here's the story. While it might've been the hit of 1992/3, there was Nirvana to listen to as well at the time. There was also Snow's Informer (which proved why only one White Boy should rap per decade) and the cult classic Whitney (pre-crack revelations) Houston with I Will Always Love You (and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-hee-iiiiiiiiiii, jis, the dramatic overkill in that song teh_lol) and UB40 was pretty big then too, and Meatloaf (well, Bat Out of Hell was on the charts for 9 years.True story and random bit of music trivia for you there).

Flash back to 2008 and you're coming back from a night out and stop at a petrol station, where about 15 guys (men) are listening to the song (at a volume that would make a jet engine seem mute) in the video above and dancing with one another in the most horrifically obscene way.Literally bump 'n grind. Quite revolting really, makes seeing the side of the road pee-ers (the members of the uri-Nation) seem tame-like. Not the ideal way to end a Saturday night. No Sir, not at all.

After that episode, I'm sufficiently traumatised to say,
"It's raining, it's raining, tears from my eyes..."
rah*

Worthy of Emo-ness or Not?

All credits are due to cujo who managed to make me simultaneously want to gag and LOL. But in all seriousness, with my terminal geekiness I was more zOMG and sad than LOL at first. It took me a while to see the funny side of this.

So without further delay, ladies and gentlemen, I hereby present the horror of the week:

Now in case you don't see the horrific part, the bald guy is Walter Skinner (Mitch Pileggi) and the other guy is Alex Krycek (Nicholas Lea) and they're very cosily playing guitars together.

Still don't get it? Skinner's Mulder and Scully's boss and he tries to save them from the duplicios Krycek. And look at Skinner's feet language!! Positively yergggh man. Skinner and Krycek that's not a very attractive couple man :/.

Still don't get it? You really should update yourself on your X Files knowledge.


zOMG this is undefinable, this feeling, it's like warm and fuzzy (cos on the surface it's an awww pic) but at the same time there's this rising bile feeling. Does anyone know if there's a 12-step programme for Chronic Geeks?


The Truth is Out There,
rah*

I R teh_rememberz!!

So yeah about that last post...

Well I remembered the arb thought I had before I wanted to post that thought and then forgot it and then posted on my forgetting instead.

A combination of an old Organ Harvester post (Note: old post in Organ Harvesterish is about 2 weeks or so ago)and the whole Irvin 'K'hoza debacle brought back the memory of the original thought I had. And so here it is.

A few weeks back I was flipping through channels because (yeah, I'll admit it) I was looking for Gilmore Girls reruns. (And not a word shall be uttered about this after this ever again.)(I happen to think that show has/had the best dialogue on tv.)(Excessive bracket use for no apparent reason is copyright and trademark blah blah blah to The Chronicles.)(Thought I'd shove my stylistic disclaimer in there, three years down the line.)

So back to my point, this advert comes up for this new show (dunno if it's new or old, my tv habits don't go much beyond Gilmore Girls and The X Files reruns when I'm really in the mood to watch a show, or the over dramatization and exaggerated acting styles of the mid-life-crisis-drop-out-of-work-and-take-up-night-school-acting-and
-drama-classes- students-who-find-bit-parts-portraying-historical-figures-for-
The-History-Channel-documentaries-but-acting-in-a-style-which-makes-me
-wonder-if-they-really-think-they're-in-a-major-cinematic-epic-thingy.)

The show portrays this mainly Black suburb/town in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and this town is plagued by crime, violence, corrupt cops, gangsterism, drugs etc on top of the burden of homelessness and displaced citizens. And the few good cops are struggling to make arrests and have safety and order because none of the locals will co-operate or provide information on the criminals in their midst. Now for my point.

I watched the advert and then when the name came up of the show immediately went all zOMG! And then told the nearest sibling "Damn, you know, you know you're South African when your first thought after seeing an advert for a show about a community/theme like that is "RASCISTS! How can they call a town where black people live that and still name a show that and then ADVERTISE on SOUTH AFRICAN TV...""

Yep, people, you guessed it, the show's name is ...

K-Ville.


Shall we play some spot the irony?
rah*

Ah Bleh

I can't sleep again so I was going to do a quick postie on one of the arb thoughts I had the other day. But now that my pc is all started up, I can't remember what it was about. Would you mind terribly if I got back to you on that one?

So I think I'll 'draft' this and go and read instead. Or I could go all stream of conciousness post-modern modernist and leave it as be. The conscious construction, self awareness.

Hear me now, Virginia Woolf, hear me now.

hynnujjjjjjmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.m,ytrrrrrrrddddddddddddddddddddddddddddtfffffffffffffffffff5

Lawdeh...I wonder if I should delete that.
(That was me falling asleep at my keyboard.)
Ah bleh.

Vive Le Modernisme!
rah*

In Typical qL Fashion:

In honour of three people, who in their own ways each deserve a post of their own, queen_Lestat hereby announces the arrival of some Black Humour. Now I know lots of people will probably get hard-arsed about something like this, but I think we should take a step back and heave a collective LOL at the non-religious elements of the composition presented:




B!, F!, C!...in that order!

*bows head in blasphemous shame*
rah*

Why? How? Actually... WHAT?!

I blame The Organ Harvester.

For probably cultivating such a fan base and then laying the smackdown (so to speak) on the powers that be to demand equal rights.

Please, oh please someone tell me how is it possible that the dictionary on my humble, unassuming cellular phone has the word "Pillay" stored by default? But I had to add "phoned" and "phone" in as words.

Noodlew, mageno, intender <- that's what I get when I tried Moodley, Naidoo, and Govender. It was worth a try...right?

I think there might just be one too many charos in I.T.

teh_weirdness
rah*

Patriotism is...

me.

zOMG!

I cannot sleep because I am worrying about the ANC Polokwane conference thing. No, really. Despite my usual insomnia, my eyes cannot close and neither can I stop thinking about the possibilities of the outcome.

zOMG!

I mean what if Zuma wins? Will showering join beetroot and garlic and olive oil and lemon juice in our National First Aid Kit? What if Thabo wins? Will he cling to power and become Mugabe II? Well garlic and lemon juice concoction will still be available on the chronic medication list anyway. *shrivels into foetal position*

zOMG!

Lawdeh, I'm blogging about this *clutches duvet*. Talk about g33k!n355.I don't want to get into the ins and outs and of why we shouldn't panic. Because that would be hypocrisy at it's best. Personally, I think they're both a bit Blaaaaah and I wish we had one of those head to head presidential candidate debates like they do in the States.

zOMG!

I don't know whether the tone of what I am writing here is revealing the SHEER AMOUNT OF PANIC I feel. I think I am mad. Really.

zOMG!

I have this feeling of panic...like I quit smoking, imbibed a litre of coffee-neat and then went to OD on 3ph3dr4**. teh_panic! Consternation is not a good noun...sounds too fuddy duddy to reflect TEH_PANIC!!!

zOMG!

AAAAAAAAAAAAarrrrrrrrggh!!!

zOMG!

I hope it all works out, I need sleep. I can only imagine how Zuma and Thabo feel...I wonder if they have sleepless nights worrying about the state of the country and it's people like I have.

Nkosi Sikele i Afrika...we need it.
*counting sheep*

rah*

**please translate on your own- 3= e and 4=A. Don't need any more spam through Google searches than I already have :)

Close Encounters of the Fan Kind

As weird as the following tale will sound, please be rest assured that as weirded-out as you will be, I was more so weirded-out. Right now, back to business.

I was going to do this one press release style, but hey I don't take myself seriously enough to do so. And it seems very lame now, though it was funny on Sunday. To the point, yeah get on with it, say the voices.

What is it with Blaaaaahnians?I mean really, people are going for Hajj, but 27 people pitch up to say goodbye to 2 people. Fair enough, but there's a designated Hajj Meet and Greet area at JHB International/O.R. Tambo International. Logic dictates that you go to those places and do your whole business there. But no, Blaaaaaahnians need to stand in the queues at the check in counters with the people travelling. Consequently, this creates a glut of people which then inconveniences everyone else because there's no place to move.

Bearing in mind that the general Hajj greeting process goes something like this: people going for Hajj go and visit all relevant people informing them of their intention to go, then the people who were greeted go to the people going to go and greet them before they go. And then they still rock up at the airport for one last shot at a goodbye. Before the cultural crusaders, imbecilic bandwagoners, and right-clicking thieves and company decide to educate me, I do know the meaning of the tradition and why people feel it is important. My gripe here is why they can't follow the rules and go to the designated area and not clog up an entire airport terminal making small talk from 6pm for a flight that leaves at 10pm. Blaaaaahnians.

Here's the weird part. So I'm at the airport, and I was at the check in area, not to be a Blaaaaahnian pleb, but because I had gone to find parking and was locating the car key owner who was in the queue. I decided to wait a bit away from the crowds because of the above ^. I don't like to inconvenience people, yes I'm nice like that. I stood about for a bit looking at the scene in front of me and thinking about how blog-worthy the whole situation was.This is when I notice a couple looking my way, then looking away. Forgot about it, and eventually I decided that I might as well go upstairs and watch some planes.

With the throngs at the airport as thick as being on the Plains of Arafat, I had to weave my way through a bit to get out. My Jheri Curl path takes me past "The Couple" and as I walk past them I hear a solitary "queen_Lestat?!". They didn't shout out loud or anything, but it was audible, (if I had no idea what it was about, I'd have walked right on)so I stopped and turned around kinda worried that I was starting to hear things. So "The Couple" nudges each other and then very politely asked me if I was queen_Lestat. I think they need to add a cement slab to the part of the floor where my jaw dropped. My dialogue was something like "errr, ehm, err yes, why?" and their response was a something gushy along the lines of "omg lol you're our hero!!!". Now queen_Lestat is an under the radar type character so this came as a bit of a shock. They recognised me from my blog. No, you didn't miss any pictures, but I'm sure you'd maybe consider stealing that too for some other nefarious ends.

Male-reader-half-of-"The Couple" said:"From your blog I figured tall female, dressed in black, wearing Doc Martens in this day and age".

queen_Lestat said: "Err you took a pretty calculated guess"

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple" said: "We've been reading your blog for ages now, I thought it was maybe possible, plus you were looking at the place like you were amused, you know like posting a Chronicle"

queen_Lestat (still all wtf?):"Guilty as charged, lol, but I could've been anyone?"

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple":"That's why we tried saying queen_Lestat because only someone who it clicks with will get it"

queen_Lestat: "aaaah clever people!"

*lols all around*

Male-reader-half-of-"The Couple": "I've never met a famous person before, we email all your stuff to our friends"

*queen_Lestat dies a million deaths*

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple": "lol, so like can you please blog about this"

queen_Lestat (utterly mortified): "lol okay, it's too weird not too"

*exuant stage left*

Strues people, the weirdness of the life that is mine.Okay so they're loyal readers, but it doesn't make it any less weird.It's amazing how tiny little details can mean so much, things which you'd never really notice or think of as being too important.

I have no idea who these people are really, but hey here's your special Chronicle delivery on demand for you guys. Glad you enjoy them :)

I wonder if they, like Hunter S Thompson thought "there (s)he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."

Love and staaarph to my two new found email people
rah*

From Timorous Infant to Enfant Terrible: The Chronicles Turn Two!

So last year I gave the Chronicles a treat and we did the whole first birthday party thing like any proud mummy would do. This year, we've matured a bit and so in celebration of our coming of age and further entrenchment in the blog world: (wait for the end, I need to stuff more stuff in first, then just pretend that the other stuff came here kthxbye).

Entrenchment (for the retarded eejits who continue to bombard me with /quit blogging requests) is a noun referring to the act of entrenching, entrenching on the other hand is a transitive verb meaning to be firmly placed in a particular area/position. Right, now that that's done with here's the birthday treat.

This is what I believe I should be saying to all those morons. This is my take on The Chronicles of Blaaaaahnia. And here's to another year of slow, sporadic (though at times not so worth it) posts. VIVA TO THE DEMISE OF BLAAAAAHNESS!!!

See you guys on the flip side of this, I've got some stuff in my head.
rah*

With Much Annoyance...

So far, I've managed to avoid the facebook "craze" quite simply because I cannot see the hype or the necessity of it in my already overly mediated life.And that was one bloody long sentence, but anyway...


Also, I found the whole phenom a bit too self-whoreish for my very private, under the radar, virtual anomaly type tastes. Then he-who-shall-not-be-hyperlinked goes and lives up to his threats of creating an account for me. (Those in the know, will know that lately a few of my good friends were involved in a challenge called break-into-qL's-accounts-to-annoy-her-when-she-tries-logging-in). So through no fault of my own I now have a FaceBook account...and I don't even have the password etc.

Furthermore, the person who created the account has known me for almost 18 years.

He spelt my name incorrectly.

However, I forgive him. After all, (lol) he hearts post-grunge music. Poor child :P

Thanks a lot lol. Now, I've gotta find a way of deleting this thing. I feel so tainted. Anyway, the said friend promised I don't have to do anything but that I should give him a week and see who or what he pulls out of the woodwork.Thereupon I should try it for a month. BLEH!!!!Talk about feeling like a sell-out when you're not even one on your own steam or effort.

Damnit...everyone who I would've normally associated myself with on such a forum has upped and left.But I'll give Ferez a week. This better be good.Because qL hearts you too much to be too annoyed. But she is...and an irritable queen is most likely the sort to yell "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!"

Oh and the anonymous retard is welcome to add me as a friend. I'm magnanimous like that. Here's one of the last spam-conversations (it was at around 8pm-ish) (Suprisingly, yes, it is still spamming me)

It: "u no u a reel bitsh y u mst tel ur frnds 2 send i so mch emales"
me : "rather that than a f'n moron, you dweeb...get lost, you're not funny anymore, you're a tiresome mutilator of language"
It: "i no u a satinist c hw u sware me in rumzan"

Anyone else spotting the irony? O yeah and because of my so called (rather kinky sounding) "satin-ist" activities this reject and it's three acclaimed signatories want to start a petition to get me off the Muslim Blogger's Webring. Everyone please -_- it with me. It never ceases to amaze me the sheer stupidity of people out there.

The Blaaaaaahnians are out there.
rah*

When Blaaaaahnians Cry, They Cry a Rainstorm.

And so ladies and gentlemen, it is with much honour that I hand out today's retard award.Now queen_Lestat is no stranger to hate mail or to completely inbred half wits.Blaaaaaahdium (and other equally Blaaaaah places such as Blehnz and Blaaaaaahzaadville) is full of such specimens.However, one particular email shimmied itself into my mailbox. I have honoured the last few shreds of dignity attached to the said person and not pasted their email details.These are however, available on request. A flight attendant will serve it when we've reached due altitude.So sit back, and enjoy the ride. Oh and as with any text presented for scrutiny in a foreign language for the purposes of this critical analysis a detailed translation will follow the said text. (I kid you not this is strues bob the kind of people that infest this world.) Here we go now:



good day queen lestat

who is dis blog crit n dragan.tel it to me now cs u mst be noing dem.y dey lyk ur blg n no 1s elss n den dat cujo cums n starts sumtimes u mad or sumting or u fscking drag hw cum dey dnt lyk oda ppls blogs.wat is rong wit u i even took u of my list cs u neva red my blg u such a fsck n i dnt
sware bt u hav all dis black blog lyk a satinst n den ur blg name dnt evn maks sence. r u evn a muslim how u gt on da muslim ring huh tel me nw do u evn red namaz or do u nly blg dey cum n tel us shit bt dey dnt tel u nutting y tel me if u no dem. who sed dey mst vote u for da awrd.u no u nt goin to win dats y u dnt evn put up da sticka.ur blg jus faulty it shows dat u r wired n dat u mad cos u dnt evn no dat u r a human hhahhaha n den u put shaikspaere in ur blg lyk u 1 eng teacha gt a lyf u 23 n u gt a blg go gt marrid hahhhaa. n den y u dnt b lyk one norm persin n put up picts n ur rael name den we cn al no how u r.i saw ur udder blg dos picts r so dum haaahaha a few dey cum out broun bwaahahhahahaha wat flops n dey so borng 2 c cos it shows dat u neva go 2 india cos u not in da picts n u cnt evn mach ur socks in da pic

i wnt 2 no whodey r cs dey fsckng on my blog n on my frens u betta tel me n u so tick to put ur emale on ur prof now evry1 cn tel u dat u dnt make sence hahahaha n dat prof is nonsence it dnt make no sence whatkine wit dat u spk elvis how dat gnna help on kiyamit. who sed deymst lyk ur blog n im not going to red urs no mor cs u dnt red mine n i ws goin 2 pt u on my linx bt i tink i wont hahahaha loooooool sori 4 u loozer.

tel ur frrens to stop fscking wit us if we 2 cleva 4 dem n dey dnt no nutting we dnt care wat dey tink cs we no we da kewl ppl n dat lest we gt frens whocn rite 4 real n put tings lyk shaikspaer bwaahahhaa lyk we in shcool. u betta msg me bk n tel me da info i need or il flud u til u tel me

bye
:-))))))))))))))))))))))


It took me quite a while to read that. Yes, Ulysses and Finneagan's Wake were an easier read each than that, you're such a genius. Greater than Joyce himself. Anyways, the said emailer is completely anonymous besides the fact that they have a fetish for the letter Z. Also the said emailer provides no url or blog references at all but is obviously a blogger or a suck up to someone who got crapped on. Yes, retard that is shit which you are imbibing. I still await a reply from the said moron with regards to the fact that I can understand many languages but I don't speak fucktard, could the person please be so considerate as to retype the brief and the queen will then attempt addressing the issues at hand. Upon receipt of a very eloquent "fsuck you" the queen has decided to go it alone.Herewith follows the queen_Lestat translation of the text.

Dear queen_Lestat,
Who are blog_critic and dragan? Please tell me now, because I have a feeling that you might be able to guide me as to who they might possibly be.I would like to inquire as to why they seem to enjoy reading your posts compared to lots of other people's.Occasionally, they hold cujo's blog in high regard as well and she voices her opinions loud and clear as well.I would also like to question your sanity and I would venture to ask whether you are perhaps having some sort of relationship with either of them to make them visit here so often and why they antagonise and dissect other peoples posts up?

What is wrong with you?I have even gone so far as removing you from my list of blog links because you have never visited my blog or read it ever.You are such a fuck and I don't swear.However, you have this blog which is all black rather like the stereotype of a Satanist to top it all off, your blogs name does not make any sense.

Furthermore, I would urge you to declare your religious disposition and I want to know if you are a Muslim because you are on the Muslim Blogger's Webring.I want to stress the urgency of this request please.It is of vital concern to me whether you maintain your Islamic duties or whether you spend all your time blogging.They (dragan and blog_critic as mentioned above) often visit our blogs and leave scathing critiques of our works.And yet they have not done so on this blog as yet. Please tell me why this is so? Again I repeat my call for information regarding the above two personae.

Another matter of importance I wish to discuss with you is who gave blog_critic the authority to nominate your blog for the Blogger's Choice Awards. You obviously know that you don't stand a chance to win the competition when there's blogs like Perez Hilton up for nomination as well. I opine that this is the very reason which you do not and have not put up your nomination "brag badges".

I do believe that your blog is faulty (sic) and in addition to it's inherent flaws, it shows that you are weird.I once again question your sanity in your belief that you are not a human being but rather a Vampire or an Elve.Also, you put up posts containing references to Shakespeare and these suggest that you have some knowledge of English Literature, akin to a teacher of English.My advice is that, since you are 23 and you blog, you should consider marriage as a suitable alternative to blogging.

Why do you not put up pictures of yourself as well as your real name and other personal details so that we all know who you are?I saw your other blog as well, those pictures are ridiculously silly.And are so poorly taken that some even turned out brown.Your photography is thus a failure.The pictures are exceedingly boring to look at and this proves that you did not go to India because you are not present in any of the pictures present. Evidence also suggests that you cannot match your socks.

I reiterate my request to you because I want to know who they are because they are performing sexual intercourse on my blog as well as with my friends.I am now threatening you to submit to my demands for attention and information.You are so very silly for putting up your email address on your blog profile because this encourages people to take their queries regarding anything to you personally.Your profile itself does not make sense in the least. You speak Elvish, how exactly will that help you on the Day of Reckoning?Who gave blog_critic and dragan permission to like your blog? Personally, I feel that it is my duty never to read your blog again because you do not read mine.Just when I was considering re-linking you up. Guess you just lost out there on a key opportunity.

Please tell your fans to stop harassing us because we are obviously intellectually superior to them. We know everything, and they know nothing.We do not care about what they think about us because we know that we are more socially acceptable and, to put it in the vernacular, "cooler".We know this because we are fully justified in saying that we are friends who can write in real life and who do not post things such as Shakespeare, which lost it's relevance when we were in school.

In conclusion, queen_Lestat, please see to it that you send me the information I require or I shall be forced to oblige my company and flood your inbox with this email until you do so.

Thank you for your time,
Yours Sincerely
**********

Now I don't know whether such idiocy deserves a response but I shall state a few things categorically. Because I know there are many more retards where this one came from.

• I do not know who blog_critic or dragan are or where they've come from.
  
• If they happen to like reading this blog, it's the exact same reason they don't like yours...subjectivity.And perhaps the fact that I am not so severely inbred as you are.
• I don't know who you are or where you blog, but damnit if you type like that I don't want to see it...EVER.Retard, fuckwit, vowelless aberration of language.
  
• Also, since you really don't care what people think about you and your little chums, why are you emailing me?Retard.
• The amount of class you display here, makes Bob Ewell look like the patriarch of the Rothschild's.
  
• I recommend a LARGE dose of the shit that is Linkin Park because I have a feeling Mike Shinoda will speak to all that emo angst so nicely packaged in your fuckwitted self.Retard, emo.
  
• I have, just by reading that, ASL'd you that you are:Female (a male would say FUCK like a man) or else you're a raving hissy fitting queen(ie a manbitch), b) you're from Durban or the East Coast ("faulty", "whatkine"," lyk u one eng teacha") yeah the Blood of the Phoenicians runs strong in you.And I don't refer to the Great Ancient Empire when I say that, c) you're under 20 or at least your mental status is, your spelling and grammar is worse than a 5 year olds.Retard.
• While on the topic of birth defects, you come across as someone who would lose a fight if people started with "yo' momma" jokes. Ultra Retard.
• You are the perfect embodiment of what happens when pregnant women snort nuclear waste instead of crack.And also when they use Agent Orange instead of hair spray.Retard deluxe.
• My photography on Graphic Descriptions, is called Sepia in that "brown" series which you refer to like the pleb that you are. Your fabled intelligence should also tell you that you use a particular film and light setting to achieve that effect and that it is not a random "flop".It does not contain me, cos I am holding the camera.And I don't see the dangling appendages of any cows.You didn't say anything about cows?Oh sorry, I'm not sure what else udders refers to.Retard.
• Also, Picts were an ancient peoples from England, fore bearers to the Scots.So I obviously can't put them up cos they're extinct by now I guess. But you obviously know better than me.*shrugs*
  
• I might be a Jedi, but I cannot do mind tricks across international borders to be in any "relationship" with some random n00b blogger on the scene whom I do not even know.Retard.
• If I want to quote Shakespeare and discuss literature all day, I most certainly will.And if you don't get it. Well then? Take a book and read perhaps?
• And it's rather quaint how you went to "shcool", maybe there they didn't have any "teacha's" which explains a lot about you.
  
• I don't read your blog cos I don't know who you are, but evidently I'm supposed to give you credit for being the spokesperson for your little Cabal?And yes, I'm sure I'd be delighted to have my blog advertised on your piece of crap front page wherever it may be.Retard.
• I speak ElvisH you dunce, I might be polite, but I don't go around saying in a deep voice "thank you, thank you very much". And no it won't help me for Qiyamat, but my knowledge of Arabic might smooth things over a bit. You will be duly doused with a generous helping of Dr Seuss I think.
• And on the topic of all things religious. I see you so perfectly encapsulate Islam.As is the first revelation of Islam, which is to seek knowledge, please teach me how to be just as dumbassed, judgemental, and intellectually deficient as you are.
  
• Also, don't pick fights when you know you stand a very good chance of humiliation. Learn that soon in life. Retard.
• If you would please be so kind as to take a very long walk off a short cliff and do humanity a favour.Retard.
  
• I quote an ultra important person in my life when I say, "I cant believe that people with actual learning disabilities have unsupervised access to the internet". And yes that is a direct dig at you. Retard.
  

And as promised, hope you're dressed for the occasion but here you are, especially for you:



Thank you God Bless, Goodnight
rah*

PS this post will be updated, so check back for more.

PPS any one sees the irony especially in light of the post called "I think I died"??Man, if I knew how to do the website bits I would SO do a dramatic reading of this one and put it up. Although I might sound like I'm speaking !X'am! judging by the style of writing.

PPPS this person is MOST definitely human.

Why?! The VERY idea...

Scully: "Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?"

Mulder: "I have seen the life on this planet, Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere."

From The X-Files

Pretty much sums me up . The Mulder part that is. Human beings are an awful species.Really are quite disgusting and base. I, however, am part Vampyre, part Elven...sooooo... stfu?

Blaaaaahnians have landed :/
rah*

I AM...

...one of those weird Japanese manga-style horror movies, sans subtitles....
No one really gets the point of it all, but everyone still recommends you watch it.

*sighness*
rah*




Oh PS and to the fucktard army, before you start,I do watch those movies.For your purposes substitute Bollywood Sudden Song and Dance Sequences out of nowhere for Japanese.

*credits to Wesley for the title in it's original form, and to Nicky and Nick who saved the Shire with me :)