Twitter is Dajjal**...

...it has one i and people follow it around.

(And all of Blog-ville guffaws collectively to multiple lines of LOL or some combination thereof)

Yes, I'm aware that that is lame, even by my awfully punny standards. But it's one of those half baked ideas sitting in my head for ages and ages now. I have several of them, which, time pending, I might gift you loyal few readers with.

But back to my original point. Since bloggers are to social media as gerbils are to Richard Gere,I thought I'd ask the relevant demographic if there really is any point signing up for Twitter?

Besides stalking Billy Corgan and telling him in 140 characters or less how he's destroyed key ontological and other philosophical ideas for me? Or finding Neil Gaiman and telling him what I thought of American Gods?

Is there any need for greater procrastination online, especially since my pet hate is reading ridiculously, inane status updates on Facebook. And yep, I'm one of those who have to stifle the urge to want to "fix" status updates, when the content doesn't fit in with the sentence structure beginning with the subject. I'm not sure if I do need help, fixing faulty sentences is my job. Literally.

Ah well, let me know. I'd like to see some of your arguments both for and against it.

Maybe I should experiment.Right...Errr...

Hmmm, so let's test this sign off to see if I can conclude this post in 140 characters to check just how elastically economical words really are.

What's the tally there? Eyeballing (from work experience) I'd say it's around 120 characters sans counting spaces because I'm not sure if Twitter counts spaces as characters or not.Including spaces it's probably closer to target? Perhaps one of you addicts can pop it in to Twitter and get something more substantiative than a guestimate.


The dearth of dormancy.It kills.
Ad herbetudo,
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**Islamic/Arabic term for the AntiChrist.Regarded in popular culture as " the beast we call the Desolate One. ...The First of the Fallen. The Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions!"

(You may not confuse the ** with the single * next to my name, because whilst I may be regarded as postively wicked in some circles, I too realise that there are some powers out there superlative to my own :P)

It's getting hot in here...

You know, there's those people who find it "kewt" to type "kewl" and replace -r's and -l's with w's eg "sowwy" and "hewwo". Now this is just ghei firstly, and secondly, when grown adults do this it works on my nerves (my magnanimous streak does however extend only to people who are around the age of 12-16 who do this because alas, they were not fully alive while the world and the internet was still awesome and not filled with twits), and thirdly, there is absolutely nothing more off putting than (consciously) horrific spelling and grammar.

I got this in an email from a person who brims with awesomeness and smells like teen spirit :P, with the most apt subject line ever (see below):

If you laugh, you're going to hell:

Suffice to say (before you get your panties in a knot and go all moral high ground on me)...I guess you can all queue up behind me?
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[rant] Blaaaaah Blaaaaah [/rant]

Apparently, the human spirit possesses a capacity to withhold much under extreme duress. How often do people wonder what their inner tensile strength is? Or do people sit about like the Talamasca and watch and wait and are always there waiting for impending doom? So that they can cash in their bonus points for vouchers on the pre-prayed system when they've accumulated enough?

There's got to be nothing more irritating than religious zealots who believe they have a God ordained moral right to pontificate purely because of they claim they're in the possession of the title deeds for the monopoly on Truth. But whilst they spend a lot of their time in physical prayer, their minds are busy praying to the Great God of Materialism. Not only do these people meet the basic minimum requirement in the prayer stats but they surpass it with adding all the optional extra ones. And they let you know it as well.

Strange thing is, these people cannot understand why they're classified as resolutely Blaaaaahnian by yours truly. But I, and most people with a conscience I suppose, find it extremely offensive when the aforementioned types pay their staff minimum wages, or less. Work them to the bone as well, declaring that they need to get their money's worth out. I find it offensive as well when staff complain about their pay that they get told to pray. Prayer's one thing, inflation and reality quite another. If you can buy your daughter a Mini Cooper S as a birthday present, then please don't preach the value and importance of living a simple life.

Hypocrisy rears it's ugly head all the time. I cannot reconcile the social hypocrisy of being the height of piety to the world, but callously oppressing any underlings and not having any qualms about. If piety means anything, be a decent human being without the religious fluff attached. Attempting to be decent will at least add a bit of practice to the preaching.

The Blogosphere 'conspiracists' are probably wondering what inspired this post.Well, lots of things have, but I think the most relevant to these parts is that while I've been AWOL, I have been receiving odd bits of "soul-saving" advice from the Association of Anonymous twits. And no, I will not renounce my Satinic (sic) ways. Bitches.

I'm back with a vengeance baby.Next post in two months :P
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Close Encounters of the Fan Kind

As weird as the following tale will sound, please be rest assured that as weirded-out as you will be, I was more so weirded-out. Right now, back to business.

I was going to do this one press release style, but hey I don't take myself seriously enough to do so. And it seems very lame now, though it was funny on Sunday. To the point, yeah get on with it, say the voices.

What is it with Blaaaaahnians?I mean really, people are going for Hajj, but 27 people pitch up to say goodbye to 2 people. Fair enough, but there's a designated Hajj Meet and Greet area at JHB International/O.R. Tambo International. Logic dictates that you go to those places and do your whole business there. But no, Blaaaaaahnians need to stand in the queues at the check in counters with the people travelling. Consequently, this creates a glut of people which then inconveniences everyone else because there's no place to move.

Bearing in mind that the general Hajj greeting process goes something like this: people going for Hajj go and visit all relevant people informing them of their intention to go, then the people who were greeted go to the people going to go and greet them before they go. And then they still rock up at the airport for one last shot at a goodbye. Before the cultural crusaders, imbecilic bandwagoners, and right-clicking thieves and company decide to educate me, I do know the meaning of the tradition and why people feel it is important. My gripe here is why they can't follow the rules and go to the designated area and not clog up an entire airport terminal making small talk from 6pm for a flight that leaves at 10pm. Blaaaaahnians.

Here's the weird part. So I'm at the airport, and I was at the check in area, not to be a Blaaaaahnian pleb, but because I had gone to find parking and was locating the car key owner who was in the queue. I decided to wait a bit away from the crowds because of the above ^. I don't like to inconvenience people, yes I'm nice like that. I stood about for a bit looking at the scene in front of me and thinking about how blog-worthy the whole situation was.This is when I notice a couple looking my way, then looking away. Forgot about it, and eventually I decided that I might as well go upstairs and watch some planes.

With the throngs at the airport as thick as being on the Plains of Arafat, I had to weave my way through a bit to get out. My Jheri Curl path takes me past "The Couple" and as I walk past them I hear a solitary "queen_Lestat?!". They didn't shout out loud or anything, but it was audible, (if I had no idea what it was about, I'd have walked right on)so I stopped and turned around kinda worried that I was starting to hear things. So "The Couple" nudges each other and then very politely asked me if I was queen_Lestat. I think they need to add a cement slab to the part of the floor where my jaw dropped. My dialogue was something like "errr, ehm, err yes, why?" and their response was a something gushy along the lines of "omg lol you're our hero!!!". Now queen_Lestat is an under the radar type character so this came as a bit of a shock. They recognised me from my blog. No, you didn't miss any pictures, but I'm sure you'd maybe consider stealing that too for some other nefarious ends.

Male-reader-half-of-"The Couple" said:"From your blog I figured tall female, dressed in black, wearing Doc Martens in this day and age".

queen_Lestat said: "Err you took a pretty calculated guess"

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple" said: "We've been reading your blog for ages now, I thought it was maybe possible, plus you were looking at the place like you were amused, you know like posting a Chronicle"

queen_Lestat (still all wtf?):"Guilty as charged, lol, but I could've been anyone?"

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple":"That's why we tried saying queen_Lestat because only someone who it clicks with will get it"

queen_Lestat: "aaaah clever people!"

*lols all around*

Male-reader-half-of-"The Couple": "I've never met a famous person before, we email all your stuff to our friends"

*queen_Lestat dies a million deaths*

Female-reader-half-of-"The Couple": "lol, so like can you please blog about this"

queen_Lestat (utterly mortified): "lol okay, it's too weird not too"

*exuant stage left*

Strues people, the weirdness of the life that is mine.Okay so they're loyal readers, but it doesn't make it any less weird.It's amazing how tiny little details can mean so much, things which you'd never really notice or think of as being too important.

I have no idea who these people are really, but hey here's your special Chronicle delivery on demand for you guys. Glad you enjoy them :)

I wonder if they, like Hunter S Thompson thought "there (s)he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."

Love and staaarph to my two new found email people
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From Timorous Infant to Enfant Terrible: The Chronicles Turn Two!

So last year I gave the Chronicles a treat and we did the whole first birthday party thing like any proud mummy would do. This year, we've matured a bit and so in celebration of our coming of age and further entrenchment in the blog world: (wait for the end, I need to stuff more stuff in first, then just pretend that the other stuff came here kthxbye).

Entrenchment (for the retarded eejits who continue to bombard me with /quit blogging requests) is a noun referring to the act of entrenching, entrenching on the other hand is a transitive verb meaning to be firmly placed in a particular area/position. Right, now that that's done with here's the birthday treat.

This is what I believe I should be saying to all those morons. This is my take on The Chronicles of Blaaaaahnia. And here's to another year of slow, sporadic (though at times not so worth it) posts. VIVA TO THE DEMISE OF BLAAAAAHNESS!!!

See you guys on the flip side of this, I've got some stuff in my head.
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With Much Annoyance...

So far, I've managed to avoid the facebook "craze" quite simply because I cannot see the hype or the necessity of it in my already overly mediated life.And that was one bloody long sentence, but anyway...


Also, I found the whole phenom a bit too self-whoreish for my very private, under the radar, virtual anomaly type tastes. Then he-who-shall-not-be-hyperlinked goes and lives up to his threats of creating an account for me. (Those in the know, will know that lately a few of my good friends were involved in a challenge called break-into-qL's-accounts-to-annoy-her-when-she-tries-logging-in). So through no fault of my own I now have a FaceBook account...and I don't even have the password etc.

Furthermore, the person who created the account has known me for almost 18 years.

He spelt my name incorrectly.

However, I forgive him. After all, (lol) he hearts post-grunge music. Poor child :P

Thanks a lot lol. Now, I've gotta find a way of deleting this thing. I feel so tainted. Anyway, the said friend promised I don't have to do anything but that I should give him a week and see who or what he pulls out of the woodwork.Thereupon I should try it for a month. BLEH!!!!Talk about feeling like a sell-out when you're not even one on your own steam or effort.

Damnit...everyone who I would've normally associated myself with on such a forum has upped and left.But I'll give Ferez a week. This better be good.Because qL hearts you too much to be too annoyed. But she is...and an irritable queen is most likely the sort to yell "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!"

Oh and the anonymous retard is welcome to add me as a friend. I'm magnanimous like that. Here's one of the last spam-conversations (it was at around 8pm-ish) (Suprisingly, yes, it is still spamming me)

It: "u no u a reel bitsh y u mst tel ur frnds 2 send i so mch emales"
me : "rather that than a f'n moron, you dweeb...get lost, you're not funny anymore, you're a tiresome mutilator of language"
It: "i no u a satinist c hw u sware me in rumzan"

Anyone else spotting the irony? O yeah and because of my so called (rather kinky sounding) "satin-ist" activities this reject and it's three acclaimed signatories want to start a petition to get me off the Muslim Blogger's Webring. Everyone please -_- it with me. It never ceases to amaze me the sheer stupidity of people out there.

The Blaaaaaahnians are out there.
rah*

It's the fiiiiiiii-nal countdown

Tonight, Tonight... that's all I have to wait for Zeitgeist.

I hope this is as huge as I think it is. Tarantula is good, but I don't think there will ever be another Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness or another Machina again.

Billy was not the band.Their combined efforts made them what they were. Fuck you D'arcy and and James. For being total asses. And fuck you Billy, for being a self righteous prig. Anyways half the band's new, the name's old, hope the sound (and more importantly the lyrics) stays so too; and true to who they were and what they represented,

"For this heart's
A little bit older
Try to hold on
To this love aloud
And we are still alive
Try to hold on
And we have survived
Try to hold on
And no one should deny
We tried to hold onto the pulse of the feedback current
Into the flow of encrypted movement
Slapback kills the ancient remnants
That try to hold on
Try to hold on
To this heart alive
Try to hold on
To this love aloud
Try to hold on
And we are still alive
Try to hold on
And we have survived
Try to hold on
Pop tart
You never listen..."

Holding Thumbs
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teh_queen COMMANDS:

If you're in and around GP on the 21st of April....

Get your asses down to a very l33t affair: GODA's (Gallery Of Distorted Art) hosting an exhibition and it looks like it's going to be fab. Yes this is a shameless plug for my friends, but I can free advertise if I want to.

CLICK HERE CLICK HERE CLICK HERE *mind control, hypnotic thingies go round in your eyes*





A faerie once whispered to someone I knew once that a little culture never killed anyone. too tr00
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